Maga Meltdowns Over Chess...?

Recently on X (formerly known as Twitter), Chess.com made a lighthearted post: a black bishop and a white bishop with the caption “accepting new name ideas for this piece.” Like many of their past posts—knight becoming “horse guy,” rook being dubbed “castle dude,” and queen getting memed as “boss lady”—this was just internet fun. Silly, wholesome, unserious. The kind of harmless, goofy content that social media used to be about.

But this is 2025. And we can’t have nice things anymore.

Because in rolled the MAGA mob like clockwork—loud, furious, and frothing with a fresh sense of imagined persecution. Within hours, the replies were overflowing with declarations of “Christian erasure,” “atheist propaganda,” and dramatic threats to delete accounts. One user wrote, “The deconstruction of the Christian West lost at the ballot box.” Another launched into a profanity-laced tirade demanding people be fired and calling the post an attack on religion. The pièce de résistance? A guy solemnly declaring, “It’s a Bishop. Delete your Twitter account.” Like he’s defending the gates of heaven from the heresy of memes.

You can't make this up. Over a chess piece.

Let’s be honest: it’s deeply, deeply ironic. I’d bet my entire ELO rating that 90% of these culture war keyboard crusaders haven’t touched a chess board in their lives—unless it was in a Facebook meme about masculinity and “trad values.” But now, suddenly, they’re self-appointed defenders of the bishop’s holy sanctity. Chess experts, theologians, and First Amendment martyrs all in one.

And here’s the kicker—they’re also historically clueless. Because fun fact: in most of the world, the piece isn’t even called “bishop.” That’s right, the religious name they’re clutching their pearls over? It’s a uniquely English twist—not some sacred tradition handed down by God. Elsewhere:

• In Russia, it’s the Slon – the elephant.

• In Germany and Denmark, it’s Läufer or Løber – the runner.

• In France, it’s Fou – the fool.

• In Spain, it’s Alfil – also an elephant.

• In China, it’s 象 (Xiàng) – you guessed it, elephant again.

• In Czech, it’s Střelec – the shooter.

• In Dutch, it’s Loper – another runner.
  

Notice a pattern? Almost nobody outside the English-speaking world sees this piece as religious. In fact, the original piece in Indian chess represented an elephant, which was adapted by Persians and Arabs before arriving in Europe. The bishop label only came about because medieval English Christians projected their worldview onto the game. That’s the real revisionism—not some internet joke about naming it “diagonal guy.”

But that doesn’t matter to the right-wing outrage machine. Facts don’t trend. Nuance doesn’t go viral. What does go viral? Pretending to be oppressed on the internet and rallying your followers around imaginary culture wars. It’s the same old playbook: invent a crisis, cry victim, punch down, and then whine when people laugh at you.

You can see this entire psychodrama unfold in the screenshots. Users going full apocalyptic over a meme. One tweet literally says, “It’s 2025, we’re not doing this anymore.” And you know what? He’s right—but not in the way he thinks. What we’re not doing anymore is catering to the endlessly offended reactionaries who twist every joke into a spiritual attack.

These are the same people who say “Legalize comedy!” but treat every mild, harmless joke that doesn’t center them like it’s blasphemy. They call us snowflakes while having meltdowns over rainbow packaging, female superheroes, or, apparently, elephants that move diagonally on a board.

So congrats to the Christian nationalists who took a joke about drunk bishops and turned it into a holy war. You managed to make a meme about chess—chess!—into another exhausting episode of “Why We’re Mad Today.” Bravo. Truly.

If you're going to turn chess into a battleground for your culture war, at least know that the bishop started as an elephant. Spoiler: you're not the victim here.